5 Lifehacks to Meet Men in Real Life
As America’s Midlife Dating coach, single boomer men and women are always asking me where to meet quality mature singles in their 50s and 60s. Mature men are interested in meeting quality women, too. This article is specifically geared for single midlife ladies to meet men over 50 in real life. Online Dating over 50 is so vast a topic, it requires its own series of articles. Be sure to check back here at Throomers regularly to get more great tips for Dating After 50.
(Psst) Men, it’s ok for you to sneak a peek here and read this article and make use of it for you, too! While this is particularly targeting the social needs of midlife women, men can apply the ideas in their lives too.
Breaking Out of Your Rut and Expanding Who You Meet in Real Life
One of the greatest challenges singles over 50 encounter is more of your life is set. Dating Coaching clients tell me, “I’m set in my ways.” Well, that’s fine for some things, and not so much for others. You might know what you like and what you don’t like. But would it be ok to travel a couple of miles to go to a new place to get your coffee instead of the same old place? When you vary where you frequent, you increase your chance meetings with new men in real life.
Sometimes women over 50 tell me, “I’ve met them all! I know all the single men in my area. I already know them all. There’s no-one else new for me to meet.” Oh really? Even if that is the case, how about then stretching and expanding your reach by 5-12 miles and meet the midlife bachelors over there?
If that’d be ok and you want some ideas both about where to meet them and what to do to maximize your time while there, read on. If you read and apply these 5 fun Over 50 Dating Lifehacks, you’ll proactively increase your chances of finding love and enjoy the process at the same time!
Love After 50 Lifehack #1: Start with Light Socializing First
In order to meet mature men in real life, you do need to get out more often. Ideally, aim to get out of the office, away from your desk, and out of the house to at least 2 places a day.
If it’s been awhile since you’ve been on a date or socialized at all, please remember to start slowly and pace yourself. Start with light socializing in daily life, whether you are divorced, widowed like I am, or single-never-married.
Too often singles over 50 haven’t been on a date in awhile, sometimes years. If you’re just relaunching into being an After 50 Dating Debutante after your divorce, being widowed, or putting your career or caregiver responsibilities first, don’t start with going on a Saturday Night date. If it’s been more than a few years, think of a Saturday Night Date like doing a spinning class at the gym. You wouldn’t start there after years of inactivity. Instead, you’d do an active warm up, right?
What’s the social equivalent of an Active Warm up? Start with just practicing breaking the ice with people in daily life to build up your confidence and social ease in making conversation with a complete stranger.
Love Over 50 Lifehack #2: Attend Business Mixers
While most single men over 50 may very well be interested in dating, as my single women coaching clients tell me, not a lot of men over 45 attend “singles” events. If you’re a single midlife lady, where can you find those elusive eligible bachelor men over 50? At business events.
Business mixers such as those sponsored by your local city chamber of commerce are always being attended by men. Sure, not all of them will be single. Some of them will be. The entrance fee is usually under $15, so it can fit into your monthly budget.
When selecting a chamber mixer to attend, be sure to look for the smaller events with more than 10 attendees and fewer than 50 likely attending. That way, with more than 10 people there, you’re likely to meet at least 1 or 2 single men, and the women you meet can become wonderful friends and allies helping to fix you up even informally once you’re acquainted.
Keep it to events maxing out around 50 to increase the likelihood for actually having social and networking time. Huge convention center sized conferences and area business mixers both cost more and offer few low key networking opportunities.
The ideal? Attend a small city’s chamber of commerce mixer. Often you want to pick the city or town just next to where you live to practice and get your sea legs. If you feel a little awkward the first few times you go, no harm, no foul. Visit another city’s chamber mixer the next month.
Throomers Insider: Yes, do aim to meet and befriend women at the mixer, too. Did you know that women are more likely to do a fix-up than men? If most of your besties are married, it may be time to expand your social circle!
How can you leverage meeting other women at the mixer? Come prepared to connect with the women there, too, with a plan to arrange for a 30 minute coffee connection shortly after the mixer to start to establish your new acquaintanceship.
Having the next step to follow up already identified increases the likelihood of your attaining that while there. Go ahead and whip out your smartphone calendar and schedule the 30 minute Coffee Connection in the next 10 days with her right then and there.
Midlife Love Lifehack #3: Attend Toastmasters
Toastmasters and the like (Rotary and other Service clubs) are terrific because there is already a structure to them and most are free to attend, perfect for every budget, and open to the public. The meeting time itself, however, is not geared towards meeting and mixing. Plan to arrive 20 minutes early and stick around up to 30 minutes to leverage your being there.
If you race in from the parking lot just as the chapter meeting is starting and sprint out the door when it ends, you’re missing out. Which also then means, pick ones where you have that time option to arrive early and stick around afterwards.
More midlife men in their 50s and 60s are working. So, do look for Toastmasters meetings which meet in the early morning pre-office hours. 7 am meetings are likely to draw more professional midlife men. However, they will often need to leave for the office shortly after the meeting.
How can you make the most of your time being there?
Aim to get there early and hold them up chitchatting afterwards for only about 5 minutes. Once you identify a good chapter where there are a few men you like, chat for only a few minutes and just say, “I’ll let you get to the office. I’ll see you next week.”
When you’re first doing your active warm up, don’t aim to make too much of it all at the first breaking of the ice. When you know where he’ll be same time next week like that, just say something friendly, smile, let him leave, and return the following week.
If you’re looking to date a man of a particular faith like Catholic or Christian, target the Toastmasters being held at churches. Often the people attending are also of that faith, thus increasing your chances for meeting same-faith singles outside of the dating sites.
Throomers Insider: Men crave respect and often want to be helpful to women. It’s in their DNA and modern culture doesn’t allow for as many opportunities for that as years ago. Ask for his expertise. Inquire about tips about Toastmasters. What does he like? Why is he a member of this chapter?
The second Throomers Insider Tip with this is, once you’re flirting with a man you like and maybe he’s asking you out for coffee, do not join that TM chapter! That’s too close for comfort. If things don’t develop further, the two of you could feel awkward.
Boomer Lifehack #4: Yes, Go to the Gym And…
Be on the lookout at the Gym where you have a membership and go work out at different times. Men over 50 are now contending with tight Hockey Thighs and Football Knees.
What does that mean? Men in their 50s and 60s are taking Yoga classes.
More men are likely to attend a Yoga class at the gym where it is already a part of their membership. However, some Pilates studios attract men contending with the cumulative effect of sports stress.
Men in their 60s will often attend a Silver Sneakers yoga class at different branches of the same gym. Mix it up yourself. Aim to attend yoga classes on different days and times to increase your exposure to new people you are not currently meeting.
Before you join anywhere just for the off-chance of meeting men over 50, investigate how many mature bachelors frequent the establishment. Don’t pay for a membership to anywhere which you don’t want to use their services just for yourself.
Throomer Insider: Men over 50 are often frugal in small ways, even the wealthy ones. The juice bar at the gym may be charging a premium price. You can get Wheat Grass juice shots at Jamba Juice in the same shopping center or snag a senior coffee at McCafe around the corner. By casually inviting anyone you’re interested in, “Oh, I need my morning coffee now. Do you want to grab a coffee 2 doors down for 20 minutes?” It’s not really a date. It’s a pre-date conversation opportunity.
Love After 50 Lifehack #5: Attend Concerts
Attending concerts is a great way to meet men over 50. Boomers often love listening to live jazz. The best ones to target are the jazz venues and area ragtime clubs. Many of the Jazz concerts are at a bar. Some of the Ragtime clubs meet in a coffee house.
Sure, get a table near the front to get a good view and place yourself where you can be seen. Get there a little early to have your choice of good seating. And be sure to bring a book with you. Your book alone serves as a conversation making prop for you.
Also make sure to stand up and break away from the crowd, offering men the chance to break the ice with you themselves. Go up to the counter. Order something. 15 minutes later, get up and go read the bulletin board or read the flyers at the front of the room.
When you step away from your table, you allow men to approach you. If there’s a little line at the counter, just chit chat with who is in front of you and behind you, making yourself easy to talk to. Men over 50 may not be well-versed in ice breakers and pick-up lines. When you break the ice in a feminine way and keep things short and light, you allow the man to pick up the conversation and keep it going if he’s interested.
When you gently break the ice in a sweet and friendly way, he’ll feel grateful you said something.
Keep it short. If he’s interested, he’ll continue the conversation. If he’s taken or just not available right now, he’ll be polite and brief, get his coffee, and return to his table.
Once you’re out and about and practicing socializing regularly, then you can look to take things to the next step and aim to be asked out on a date. If you’re divorced or just out of a breakup, be sure to snag my gift Dating Again After Divorce for Women ebook https://aprilbraswell.com/product-options/books/divorce-women-ebook/.
April Braswell has been DatingAdvice.com‘s Midlife Dating expert since 2012. She coaches Midlife relationship-minded men and women to find and attract lasting love. She takes a proactive and heart-centered approach with her clients to look for love Online with her Irresistibly Attractive Profile Writing Service and in Real Life Dating Coaching.